Invasion of The MarySues
by merciful-malice
Summary: God help us! The MarySues are taking over Hogwarts and are planning on stealing the virginity of all our favourite Hogwarts boys! Who will stop them? Who will save their innocence? Anybody..?
1. It begins

**Invasion of the Mary-Sue**s

A Humor Fic. By: Naito (who really should know better than to write things like this)

_I do not own Harry Potter or anything else that common sense tells you is property of J.K.Rowling. If you actually believe that these characters are of my own creation, than you need strong medication, a psychiatrist, and to move out from beneath that rock you've been living under._

_Thank-you and enjoy this random crazy string of thoughts that struck me while I was washing the dishes._

_Naito._

_Pairings? Our favorite Hogwarts boys and Mary-Sues abound! Until the end of course, because the ladies of Hogwarts aren't about to let a bunch of floozy, unrealistic tramps swipe their men. Oh, hell no they won't! So rally the troops, because it's clone-hating time! Power to the strong women, may they wipe out the weak!_

* * *

Gather round children and let me tell you a terrifying tale. Be sure to leave the light on tonight while you are in bed, because this story shall surely give you nightmares. It is an account of a dark time that once befell the unfortunate students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Few survived the frightening ordeal with their sanity intact. Friendships were torn, true love was shattered and dreams faded from the hearts of those who survived this tribulation. Oh the humanity! I'm unsure if I can continue...Oh, but I must! For the heroine of this yarn must be renowned for her unsurpassed intelligence. She is a savior like no other. Listen closely, for I don't know if I could ever retell this story, it's simply too much for me.

It began like every other year at Hogwarts begins. With a grand feast and much jubilation. The paladin of which I tell this narrative walked merrily alongside her two closest friends toward the carriages that would carry them to a place that was – in their hearts – much like their home. A large man dressed in grubby clothing, waved to them happily, and they returned the gesture. Yes, thought our star, this would most certainly be a wonderful year. It was than that she seen them.

Eight of them. Giggling and casting flirtatious glances at any boy that strolled past them with big blue eyes. With a wide, practiced smile Hermione – our champion – made her way over to introduce herself to the blonde group of clones. They all were similar in looks and mannerisms. As she drew nearer the girls laughed in cheery manners, seeming friendly. Than, she realized, they were not even looking at her. They were gazing beyond her at – she turned around – her friends!

Angry now, she marched back to stand with the boys, whom were returning the smiles and waves as though it happened all the time. To be honest, for the raven-haired, named Harry, it did. Ron on the other hand, was a different story, yet he behaved the same. Forcing herself to be calm, Hermione glared at her comrades. Each gave her the 'what's the problem?' look and she sighed out of shear frustration. Men could be so ridiculously dumb sometimes. She glanced back at the guys, boarding the carriage behind her, what did she mean 'men'? They were still children.

The redhead sat beside her and Harry sat across from her. Both sporting expectant stares. With a deep breath she decided to voice her opinion of the ditsy, smiling, overly social airheads who had drawn so much male attention. "There's something not right about them, but I can't quite place it," she whispered, despite the noise outside.

"They seemed to be pretty nice if you ask me. How many people at Hogwarts waved to everybody on their first day?" Ron asked.

"Yes, but how is it that they're all starting at the same time, and so comfortable?" Hermione countered, finding this more suspicious by the minute. She knew that something was wrong, she knew that they were not right. She just had to prove it.

"Just let it go, 'mione," Harry muttered as he shot her a pleading look.

She considered protesting, but quickly changed her mind. It wasn't worth it without some evidence. Instead she sat in silence for the duration of the ride, plotting how she was going to deal with the walking headaches that appeared to be making the school their new playground. They were going to be trouble, for sure.

Inwardly, she concluded, that this year had gone from the best to what could possibly be the worst they'd yet to encounter. What she didn't know was that she would change her mind about that once more, when she was a hero who had the attentions of her one true love...

Yes, dear children, it seems that our idol has discovered her foes. Will she prevail? Of course, but how will she manage to do so, after all, eight against one is a teeny bit unfair, don't you agree? I do, but that's just my humble, narrator opinion. That's all I will speak of in terms of tonight's legend, as it's late and you should get some rest. Remember, goodnight, sleep tight and don't let the Mary-Sues bite!

* * *

_This is just the first chapter, a little short I know, but that's just how it worked out. This idea just sort of came to me. I've got more that I'll post once I get it out of my heart and into type. It should be interesting. Please, if you've read this leave a review, they are what inspire me to continue with this drunken charade of playing writer. Keep an eye open for the next chapter in the story of the Hermione in_** Invasion of The Mary-Sues**

_Thank-you again,_

_Naito._


	2. Grace

**Invasion of the Mary-Sue**s

A Humor Fic. By: Naito (who has managed to use this story to prove that she's an idiot...)

_I do not own Harry Potter, but if I did it would be more comical and Draco would be the main character, because he's so damn smexy. I'm sorry if your name is Grace. Originally the Mary-Sues were going to be named after angels, than I thought they'd have common names like Jessica or Katie. Finally, I concluded they should be named things that implied something beautiful. So, thus, the first name is Grace. _

_Thank-you and if you have any names you'd like to suggest, than do so, I have eight girls left to name._

_Naito._

* * *

Nothing much to say, except that this second chapter was inspired by my afternoon classes today. So...yeah...I do deal with these sorts of girls on a daily basis, but there are some who think that I'm one of them (Like I'd ever do anything like that!) By the way, I hope you like the story-teller. I've grown quite attached to him/her (I haven't really decided)

Welcome back my young friends. I am so very pleased that you have decided to visit me again. Come in and sit. Allow me to take your coat. Would you like a cup of tea? I was about to have some myself. Milk or cream? ...Neither? My my, what a strange one you are. Well, as they say, 'Variety is the spice of life'! Sugar?...Good, otherwise I would be inclined to believe you would just rather chew on the teabag. Now, am I correct in assuming that your here for more of the epic legend of all our favorite champion? ...What? Assuming makes an 'Ass out of you and me'? Oh! I get it! Quite clever, you are. Strange, but clever. I will have to remember that little wisecrack, to be sure! Right, the story! Move your chair a little closer to the fire and make yourself comfortable. Prepare, for this tale is about to grow much darker...

Hermione strolled into Charms – her first class – with confidence. She had heard rumors that the flirty new additions to Hogwarts had this class as well, but that was of little consequence when you were as brilliant as the female Gryffindor prefect. An arrogant confidence, she thought, as she took her seat, but one she felt she deserved. After all, who had the highest grade of any student at Hogwarts? Oh that's right, it was her! Smiling at the group of blondes that had all conveniently been placed in Gryffindor, she wondered if anyone else found that as conspicuous as she did. Not that it mattered. This was a classroom, this was her territory where her skill was matched only by the teacher, and sometimes, not even than.

Professor Flitwick demonstrated a complex charm she had not seen before, but Hermione knew it would only take minutes to master the technique. Much to her disappointment though, one girl in the new group was much quicker at charms than she had expected.

"That's brilliant!" Ron voiced. Harry nodded in agreement as they gaped at the talented blonde.

"There you go! That's it! Ten points to Gryffindor for being so...**charming**!" the instructor chuckled. The girls all giggled in perfect tandem at the precisely same pitch.

Ms. Quick-Learner stood, and walked with purpose and poise toward Ron. She flashed flawless teeth so bright that they nearly blinded our dear heroine. Leaning across his desk, the girl whispered, "My name is Grace. If your having a _hard_ time with charms, than maybe I could...ummm," she toyed with a strand of hair, "...give you a _hand_?" Grace winked provocatively.

Ron swallowed loudly and it took all that was in the power of the Great Granger not to jump over her own desk and claw that slutty tramp's eyes out. She opted to maintain her composure and discourage the idea of Ron meeting that...that...such and such, when they were alone. He would listen to her, he had to. They had been friends for four years and – if she wasn't mistaken – there was a glimmer of romance between them.

By the end of the lesson, Hermione was so frustrated with the girl named Grace, who had managed to show her up twice more before class finished. To make things worse, the above mentioned blonde was in all her classes! Apparently, she was the brainy one of the group. Our idol could not have been happier when supper rolled around and she was free of the-girl-who-should-have-been-a-bloody-Ravenclaw for awhile.

The new girls sat together at the end of the table alone. So Hermione took this opportunity to put her anti-whore-tutoring plan into action. She looked at Ron, who to her annoyance, was making eyes with Grace. She cleared her throat angrily. He didn't notice, but Harry did and he took it upon himself to give his best friend a painful nudge in the ribs.

Finally she had his attention, even though she was sure his mind was elsewhere. Figuring it was the best she could ask for given the circumstances, she began. "Ron, I don't think you should accept Grace's offer to help you with your Charms work," she paused to think of something less insane than _She's a bitch and I don't like her_ for reasoning, "Her schedule is really full. She's in all of the same classes as I am and the workload is pretty heavy. It might be too much for her to take up tutoring too."

"But 'mione, your always saying I should take my studies more seriously. This is my chance to do that."

"Well, Ron, you never asked me," she gave him a pointed look.

"You never offered. Besides, if you have the same lessons than won't you be just as busy?" the red-head countered.

Irritated with him, Hermione got up and stomped off, but not before she heard Ron inquire loudly about what her problem was. Whether or not the question was meant for her, she ignored it.

An hour later, sitting in the common room, immersed in her work, Hermione was feeling better. Perhaps enough to actually forgive Ron for his blatant display of stupidity.

"Hermione?" Harry sat in an overstuffed chair beside her and grinned at her and her work.

"Hi Harry, where's Ron?" She spoke, but deep down in her chest she knew the answer. She just refused to accept it.

Harry responded hesitantly. Each word was a proverbial dagger in her chest, which was aflame with hurt. She felt tears stray from her eyes, down her cheeks.

_"He left after supper with Grace. They went down to the lake."_

Goodness friend, look at the time. You'll have to excuse me for cutting short this chapter, but I'm late for an important meeting. ...Yes, of course I have a life outside telling stories to strangers, that cause them to become endeared to me! Anyway, I'll see you again soon I should hope!

* * *

_There you have it, the second chapter. What do you think of Grace. Is Hermione just being paranoid? Obviously not, because we all know what those kind of girls are like...If you enjoyed this, or not, leave a review, that'll ensure a new chapter sooner. Also, give me a few name ideas. As long as it implies a beautiful quality (I.E. Grace, Serenity...etc.) That's it, just watch out for the next chapter, where Miss Granger will discover the evil plot of the girls._

_Naito._


	3. Evil Plot!

**Invasion of the Mary-Sue**s

A Humor Fic. By: Naito (who has a pet boy named Steve living in her closet)

_I do not own Harry Potter, he belongs to J.K. Rowling, but that doesn't mean I can't kidnap Tom Felton and use him for my own...erm...entertainment. Yummy, yummy, yummy, I love him to bits::Picks up bits of Malfoy:: OH GOD!!! What have I done!?!!! I'm so sorry::Shattered Draco is mysteriously repaired:: Wow, that really is a magic word! Draco, I will kick Steve out and you can move in! I love you! Draco/Tom: "I'm not really Draco Malfoy. My name's Tom Felton." Draco Felton! Tom Malfoy! Who cares, you're still a going to be my new pet! Now quick, into my closet::Grin::_

_Thank-you, now please take delight in this garbage that was inspired while watching Donald clean up vomit._

_Naito._

Well, it took a while, but here is the third chapter in this saga of strange. Special thanks to those who've bothered to read this far. You must have an immense load of time on you're hands. Get a haircut and find a job, hippie...joking! Oh, and review on what you think the gender and name of my Narrator should be!

My, my. It has been so long since you have come to see me. Exams, you say? ...Yeah, right. You just don't like me. That's it isn't it. No? ...My apologies than friend. Come in from the rain and make yourself at home. Goodness, this weather is bizarre! Can you believe it? Rain, sleet, hale, snow, and hurricane force winds all at once. What do you mean exaggeration? ...Fine, perhaps I do have a taste for dramatic descriptions, but the yarn that I have been regurgitating to you is surely no stretch of truth. Well, I suppose I'll carry on from where I left off than.

An hour later, sitting in the common room, immersed in her work, Hermione was feeling better. Perhaps enough to actually forgive Ron for his blatant display of stupidity.

I'm sorry? What was that? Already told this part you've said? My mistake. It has been awhile after all. Let me see...

Hermione sat on her bed with the curtains drawn. Her cheek stained with tears and her body trembling as she held back sobs that threatened to violently wrack her body. She refused to lose control in such a manner, being the dignified trooper that she was. She didn't understand. For the first time in a long time, she just couldn't understand. She had been so sure that they had something, but now she thought otherwise. To just up and drop her for some floozy. Could he have been any more cruel? Her stomach retched and a vicious rage swept over her as the sound of laughter drew nearer. It wasn't just any laughter, it was the frightening cackles in eerily perfect harmony possessed only by the source of her woes.

"So, Grace is still at the lake, than?"

"Yeah. She's with her target."

"Speaking of targets, has everyone decided?"

"Well, I spotted a Hufflepuff and introduced myself. His name is Ernie."

"I've got my eye on an Irish Gryffindor."

"The Irish kid's best friend."

"A Slytherin named Blaise."

"I found a Slytherin too, and he's dumb as a post. He has a friend, so once he's done, I'll snatch the other."

"That's really ambitious of you Joy, but Chastity and I have you beat. We're going after the two most powerful guys in this school. She's got dibs on Draco Malfoy and I call Harry Potter."

Impressed gasps could be heard throughout the room.

"Charity, are you guys sure about this? From what I hear they're fairly bright. What are the chances you think that the guy who defeated He–Who–Shall–Not–Be–Named and the guy who is so arrogant that he has yet to see someone worthy of his affection are going to fall for this?"

"You doubt our supreme skill? We're in charge for a reason."

"Draco has shown affection. He took a girl to the Yule Ball."

"I heard he didn't really like her, but his father insisted."

"All that means is that I have to win over his father, than it's all easy as pie."

"Whatever."

"Come on, we'll head down to quidditch pitch and give our house mates a little encouragement while they work through the tryouts."

"That's a great idea."

"It's why we're the best."

Unison footsteps faded into the distance. The sound of bubbly chatter died away. Hermione sat in utter silence, stunned by what she had just overheard. She'd known they were irritating, but evil? For surely girls like them – with such horrid plans – were evil. There could be no other word more fitting to describe it.

With a deep sigh, realization that nobody would believe her set in. They'd all just think she was jealous at having not only been shown up in class, but at having Ron pay attention to Grace as well. She stood quietly and adjusted her clothing than wiped her eyes and her cheeks. With a great deal to contemplate she strolled out of the dorm as calmly as she could. Mustering all the courage she could manage, she walked with false confidence through the common room and stepped out into the hall from behind the portrait. Her destination was the library, the only place where she felt she would find solace from her now thoroughly tousled life.

I'm sure that's enough for now. I'll leave more of the tale for another time. That way you'll return later for more of this wonderful story. You know you want more. Wait! Come back soon! Please! I'm so very, very, lonely...

_That's it for now. There will be more soon and I'll finally let you in on more of the wicked plot. I've decided on the names. They are: Chastity, Charity, Grace, Joy, Desire, Serenity, Destiny, and Harmony. Who's chasing who will be cleared up in the next chapter or so. This, of course, is my closing rant and since I have nothing left to say I'll end with. Please review._

_Naito._


End file.
